Wednesday, May 29, 2013



So today we are going to talk about the act of stalking, not talked about very often but is beginning to be a very well known subject in the U.S. And the CDC and other groups have taken the steps to investigate and find out the amounts of deaths and injuries among teens.
These acts go hand in hand with sexual abuse or sexual assault, dating violence and teen dating violence.
It is important for you to understand that sometimes stalking plays such a large role in most of these assaults. Many people do not know that there are  Federal and State laws that can protect a person in these unfortunate situations.

The "SAFE HORIZON website" states, that according to the U.S. Department of Justice, stalking is defined as "a pattern of repeated and unwanted attention, harassment, contact, or any other course of conduct directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear." Stalking behavior can include
  • Harassing a victim through the Internet, including email, social networking sites, and other sites
  • Damaging or threatening to damage a victim's property
  • Making direct or indirect threats to harm the victim or the victim's children and family, friends, pets, and even co-workers
  • Following or laying in wait for a victim at places victims tend to frequently visit, including home, school, or work
  • Repeated, unwanted, intrusive, and frightening communications, by phone, mail, and/or email

Stalking may also involve or be defined as:

  • Harassing or threatening tactics used by a perpetrator that is both unwanted and causes fear in the victim.
  • Behavior ranges from overtly aggressive threats and actions, to repeated phone calls, letters, emails, texts or violent approaches.
  • There are anti-stalking laws in place, both federal and state, designed to protect victims of stalkers

There are other acts that also can be related to stalking, for example:

  • Controlling behavior
  • Not letting you hang out with your friends
  • Calling, texting or emailing you frequently to find out where you are, who you're with, and what you're doing
  • Telling you what to wear
  • Having to be with you all the time
  • Unwanted Jealousy over friendships and escalation of anger and violence

In February of this year 2012 a young woman age 20 who was a well known lacrosse player was in her college in Harrisonburg, VA was injured and died at the hand of a young man who was stalking her and then decided to injure and kill her.

Over 90% of female homicide victims are killed by someone they know, and 76% of these victims were stalked before their deaths. 
From 2009 to 2012, 40% of mass shootings started with the shooter targeting his girlfriend, wife or ex-wife.  There are about 3.4 million women and men who are stalking victims per year.
 More than 50% are 30 years of age and younger.
Women are more likely to stalked than raped. 
Believe it or not about 10% of victims are stalked by a stranger. 
Many victims who are stalked have these personal items damaged, their lives threatened and their families or animals harmed as well.

 The statistics in the US Department of Justice by Katrina Baum, Ph.D., Shannan Catalano, Ph.D., and Michael Rand and Kristina Rose state that during a 12-month period an estimated 14 in every 1,000 persons age 18 or older were victims of stalking. About half (46%) of stalking victims experienced at least one unwanted contact per week, and 11% of victims said they had been stalked for 5 years or more. Nearly 3 in 4 stalking victims knew their offender in some capacity.

The federal government, all 50 states, the District of Columbia, and U.S. Territories have enacted laws making stalking a criminal act, although the elements defining the act of stalking differ across states. The states that:
 Stalking laws
While the federal government, all 50 states, the District 
of Columbia, and U.S. Territories have enacted 
criminal laws to address stalking, the legal definition 
for stalking varies across jurisdictions. State laws vary 
regarding the element of victim fear and emotional 
distress, as well as the requisite intent of the stalker. 
Some state laws specify that the victim must have 
been frightened by the stalking, while others require 
only that the stalking behavior would have caused a 
reasonable person to experience fear. In addition 
states vary regarding what level of fear is required. 
Some state laws require prosecutors to establish fear 
of death or serious bodily harm, while others require 
only that prosecutors establish that the victim suffered 
emotional distress. Interstate stalking is defined by 
federal law 18 U.S.C. § 2261A.

 If you feel like someone is threatening you or you feel in danger or have a feeling someone else is in danger please contact 911 immediately. You can also contact:
Crime Victims Hotline 866.689.HELP (4357)
  For more information on the Bureau of Justice Statistics please visit: 

Remember according to God's word the Lord disapproves of anyone spying, stalking or meddling in anyone's affairs. Someone once said there is a huge difference between spying out the land and spying on someone's freedoms. 
  • But because of the false brothers brought in quietly, who sneaked in to spy upon our freedom which we have in union with Christ Jesus, that they might completely enslave us— to these we did not yield by way of submission, no, not for an hour, in order that the truth of the good news might continue with you. (Galatians 2:4,5)
  •   There are six things that Jehovah does hate; yes, seven are things detestable to his soul: lofty eyes, a false tongue, and hands that are shedding innocent blood, a heart fabricating hurtful schemes, feet that are in a hurry to run to badness, a false witness that launches forth lies, and anyone sending forth contentions among brothers.(Proverbs 6: 16-19)

Monday, May 27, 2013

Psychological / Mental Abuse difficult to address but it's a problem in our society.

This I believe is a hugely controversial abuse and assault because it can be depicted as being the same thing as emotional abuse. Many speculate that it can be one in the same then many say it's in a class of it's own. You need to make that determination yourself.

Many define it as:

  • Name calling 
  • Put-downs
  • Subjecting or exposing another to behavior that may result in psychological trauma, including anxiety, chronic depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder
  • Rejecting, degrading, terrorizing, isolating, corrupting/exploiting and "denying emotional responsiveness
Many can speculate that this behavior although has been categorized as a Psychological can also fall under emotional abuse and assault. 
It's common to find that many of these traits can be found among family members and children. What we don't know is that these traits can also be found at the school levels and also in the work force. 
Many individuals climbing the corporate ladder use many Psychological  tactics to throw their opponents off. In a word, to sike them out! Although many adults have grown from using such tactics, many resort to subjecting or exposing another for self gain. Whether for personal or financial reasons they find these tactics give them a great boost in life.

What they might not realize is that these psychological intents can cause long lasting damage in a persons life if not addressed immediately. 
Psychological Abuse written by Natasha Tracy in "" states:
Psychological abuse, though, can be just as devastating as physical abuse. Psychological abuse can affect your inner thoughts and feelings as well as exert control over your life. You may feel uncertain of the world around you and unsafe in your own home. Psychological abuse can destroy intimate relationships, friendships and even your own relationship with yourself.
Psychological abuse signs and symptoms may start small at first as the abuser "tests the waters" to see what the other person will accept, but before long the psychological abuse builds into something that can be frightening and threatening.

Also addressed in statistic show that:

· 95% of men who physically abuse their intimate
   partners also psychologically abuse them.

· Psychologically abusive men are more likely to
use a weapon against their partners, have prior
criminal arrests, abuse substances, and have
employment problems.

· An employed woman with an unemployed
partner is more than twice as likely to be
psychologically abused by her partner.

· Having a physical disability increases a
woman’s risk of psychological abuse by 83%.

· Women who earn 65% or more of their
households’ income are more likely to be
psychologically abused.

In the workforce this is a highly common abuse but rarely addressed. We do know now that if you are being psychologically, mentally or verbally abuse you have rights. Your rights have to be addresses to your corporation or business and if that request goes unaddressed you have the right to contact a lawyer. The Small Business and Worker's Rights states:
Unlike most first-world countries, there are currently no federal or state laws written to protect U.S. employees from verbal abuse. However, failure to nip an abusive employee's behavior in the bud can cost you big. Under regulations from the federal Occupational Safety and Health Act, or OSHA, you as a business owner can be held liable for not providing an employee with a safe and healthy workplace. An employee faced with verbal abuse can fairly claim that the abuse interferes with her ability to go about her daily job duties. You can be held responsible for retaining the services of an employee who verbally abuses another employee.
If an employee who has been verbally abused is not adequately aided at the company level, she may hire an attorney to take her case to court. Even without precise laws on the books that address the issue, OSHA standards seem to have enough bite to get the attention of courts. For example, the Indiana Supreme Court in 2008 awarded a nurse $325,000 for her claims of intentional infliction of emotional distress and assault after she was screamed at by a surgeon. Once you've heard a hint of abuse occurring within your business, you become part of the problem. You must either address it head on or be prepared to answer for your failure to do so.

This can cost a hefty sum if you are a business owner. 

It is important to understand that to have a balance work environment, a healthy home life and a happy mental attitude you must first learn how to properly address all individuals. And although it is true that we are humans and we do have a tendency to disagree and have different opinions, there should NEVER be a place where you have to put another down to get your point across.

In Psalms 109:1-3 David calls to the Lord saying:
"1 Hold not thy peace, O God of my praise; 2 for the mouth of the wicked and the mouth of the deceitful are opened against me: they have spoken against me with a lying tongue.3 They compassed me about also with words of hatred; and fought against me without a cause."

I read this one time and shared it with my boys always THINK before speaking:
T-Is it True?
H-Is it Helpful or Honest?
I-Is It Inspiring?
N-Is it Necessary?
K-Is it KIND?
If it doesn't fall under any of those guidelines is best not say it at all!

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Your emotions do count!

Emotional Abuse

Is defined and may involve:

°Humiliation (name calling,shaming & embarrassing)
° Insults
°Destruction of property
°Control Even Isolation (from family, friends..etc.)

In the author Maria Bogdanos defines it as follows:

"Signs of Emotional Abuse By MARIA BOGDANOS"

Emotional abuse is elusive. Unlike physical abuse, the people doing it and receiving it may not even know it’s happening.

It can be more harmful than physical abuse because it can undermine what we think about ourselves. It can cripple all we are meant to be as we allow something untrue to define us. Emotional abuse can happen between parent and child, husband and wife, among relatives and between friends.

The abuser projects their words, attitudes or actions onto an unsuspecting victim usually because they themselves have not dealt with childhood wounds that are now causing them to harm others.

In the following areas, ask these questions to see if you are abusing or being abused:

1. Humiliation, degradation, discounting, negating. judging, criticizing: Does anyone make fun of you or put you down in front of others?

Do they tease you, use sarcasm as a way to put you down or degrade you?

When you complain do they say that “it was just a joke” and that you are too sensitive?

Do they tell you that your opinion or feelings are “wrong?”

Does anyone regularly ridicule, dismiss, disregard your opinions, thoughts, suggestions, and feelings?

2. Domination, control, and shame: Do you feel that the person treats you like a child?

Do they constantly correct or chastise you because your behavior is “inappropriate?”

Do you feel you must “get permission” before going somewhere or before making even small decisions?

Do they control your spending?

Do they treat you as though you are inferior to them?

Do they make you feel as though they are always right?

Do they remind you of your shortcomings?

Do they belittle your accomplishments, your aspirations, your plans or even who you are?

Do they give disapproving, dismissive, contemptuous, or condescending looks, comments, and behavior?

3. Accusing and blaming, trivial and unreasonable demands or expectations, denies own shortcomings: Do they accuse you of something contrived in their own minds when you know it isn’t true?

Are they unable to laugh at themselves?

Are they extremely sensitive when it comes to others making fun of them or making any kind of comment that seems to show a lack of respect?

Do they have trouble apologizing?

Do they make excuses for their behavior or tend to blame others or circumstances for their mistakes?

Do they call you names or label you?

Do they blame you for their problems or unhappiness?

Do they continually have “boundary violations” and disrespect your valid requests?

4. Emotional distancing and the “silent treatment,” isolation, emotional abandonment or neglect: Do they use pouting, withdrawal or withholding attention or affection?

Do they not want to meet the basic needs or use neglect or abandonment as punishment?

Do they play the victim to deflect blame onto you instead of taking responsibility for their actions and attitudes?

Do they not notice or care how you feel?

Do they not show empathy or ask questions to gather information?

5. Codependence and enmeshment: Does anyone treat you not as a separate person but instead as an extension of themselves?

Do they not protect your personal boundaries and share information that you have not approved?

Do they disrespect your requests and do what they think is best for you?

Do they require continual contact and haven’t developed a healthy support network among their own peers?

Maria Bogdanos is an emotional health coach.

If you feel like you are constantly doing a balancing act to make the person you are with happy then there is nothing you can say or do that will change their frame of thought. They must seek help and there is a chance. Many people who are emotionally abusing don't think or know they are doing anything wrong. Some may be unaware of their behaviour as being unacceptable. There is still an opportunity for those individuals to receive help and also for those who received the emotional abuse.

Many children fall victim to this kind of abuse. In turn they relay their frustrations in anger and will express themselves negatively by hurting others because they themselves are hurt.

The word wants us not to fall victim to idle words. It specifically says:

Proverbs 21:23 ESV
Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.

Ephesians 4:29 ESV
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Proverbs 15:1 ESV
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Proverbs 12:18 ESV
There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Psalm 34:13
Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit.

James 1:26 ESV
If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless.

1 Peter 3:10 ESV
For “Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit;

If you are feeling emotionally worn please call one of the numbers on this site or visit and seek help.

You can also look under your local yellow pages and seek help.

Friday, May 24, 2013

No really means NO! Talking Sexual Abuse & Sexual Assault


As defined by many groups and even the CDC terms of sexual abuse and assault are:
Sexual Abuse

°Sexual Relations without Consent
°Unwanted sexual touching Even touching unwilling through clothing is considered sexual abuse
° Pressure to engage in humiliating or degrading and/or
use of Force by abuser for sexual activity
°In teen dating violence can take place electronically such as posting of sexual pictures of partner online without consent.

***THIS IS A CRIME and punishable by incarceration and filed as a pedophile if victim is under age 18.

°Sexual assault can be verbal, visual, or anything that forces a person to join in unwanted sexual contact or attention.

Please be aware of such perpetrators or suspicious characters. Be always cautious of your surroundings. Always stay within a circle of friends when going out and set realistic limitations on yourself when going out.

Many misconception that many women have is that if you know a person online, by phone or because he is nice that could never happen to me. There are more statistics of women being sexually assault from someone they knew rather than a stranger.

God gave us spiritual ears to hear his voice. The Holy Spirit quickens our hearts when there is something off or just not right.

It says in John 16:13 NIV "But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come."

If you are sexually assaulted, it is not your fault. Don’t be afraid to ask for help or support. Help is available. You can call these organizations:

National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-SAFE (7233) or 800-787-3224 (TDD)

National Sexual Assault Hotline 800-656-HOPE (4673)

or visit

Or if you are being abused and sexually assault in Northern Virginia visit:

There are many organizations and hotlines in every state and territory. These crisis centers and agencies work hard to stop assaults and help victims. Find contact information for these organizations. You also can obtain the numbers of shelters, counseling services, and legal assistance in your phone book or online.

The first move has to be your move. Protect yourselves.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Talking about Physical Abuse / Assault

which defined is or may involve: 

  • Pushing
  • Shoving
  • Hitting
  • Choking
  • Confining
  • Pinching
  • Hair Pulling
  • Or Assaulting with object or weapon.
Any act in which a person does bodily harm can be considered physical abuse or assault. Physical assault in many states can be a misdemeanor and depending on the offense can have felony charges. You will have to check your individual state for a guideline of your state's individual judiciary  laws of such offenses. Many states like California state Physical abuse as:
  • Physically hurting or trying to hurt someone intentionally or recklessly;
  • Sexual assault;
  • Making someone reasonably afraid that he or she or someone else is about to be seriously hurt (like threats or promises to harm someone); OR
  • Behavior like harassing, stalking, threatening, or hitting someone, disturbing someone’s peace, or destroying someone’s personal property).

In other states for example, Virginia's judiciary acts states;
§ 18.2-57. Assault and battery.
A. Any person who commits a simple assault or assault and battery shall be guilty of a Class 1 misdemeanor, and if the person intentionally selects the person against whom a simple assault is committed because of his race, religious conviction, color or national origin, the penalty upon conviction shall include a term of confinement of at least six months, 30 days of which shall be a mandatory minimum term of confinement.
B. However, if a person intentionally selects the person against whom an assault and battery resulting in bodily injury is committed because of his race, religious conviction, color or national origin, the person shall be guilty of a Class 6 felony, and the penalty upon conviction shall include a term of confinement of at least six months, 30 days of which shall be a mandatory minimum term of confinement.

Its very important to understand that even if you do not feel like you have hurt that person, any act of physical violence or intentionally hurting someone can be considered violent and dangerous. 

These acts can damage your job status, you can be arrested, do community service, have to take anger management classes, have a criminal record or worst.

God did not call us to intentionally or deliberately hurt anyone. When Jesus was on the cross the word says that he had ten thousand legions of angels standing at attention at his will to do anything but instead he spoke love to the Father in Luke 23:34 and said "Fatherforgive them, for they know not what they do"
What a beautiful act that he laid his life down for us although we did not deserve it.
He never once threaten those spitting on him, throwing stones, calling him names and mocking him. He only saw love for each of them.


Tuesday, May 21, 2013

When you have knowledge you can conquer anything...

Well everyone it was an exciting first day but let's keep the momentum going. We are going to talk about some issues and also some definitions in relation to violence.

As defined by many groups and the CDC the defined act of violence is:

Any violence that can be physical, sexual, emotional, mental, verbal or even stalking. 
Violence can have many outputs; some short examples are:
  • Harmful behavior that starts early and continues into adulthood. Intentional use of force whether threatened or real, against person, group or community that can result in: injuries, deaths, psychological harm or deprivation by persons between ages of 10-24.
  • As physical, verbal, and emotional or mental cruelty.
  • The person can be either witness, the offender or the victim.
  • Some violent acts result in: slapping, hurting, hitting, bullying. Some even have taken so far as to rob and assault (with or without a weapon)
In short many of these incidents can result into: anxiety, depression, injuries, long lasting disabilities and even suicide.
  • Physical Abuse 
  • Sexual Abuse
  • Emotional Abuse
  • Psychological / Mental Abuse
  • Stalking
  • Verbal Abuse
  • Bullying
  • Cyder-Bullying

I would love to hear any remarks, comments or if you need to share your story to be a help to someone else please comment. If you are in need of help please comment as well or call 1800 FYI CALL or the RUNAWAY HOTLINE at1-800-RUNAWAY(1-800-786-2929) 

Monday, May 20, 2013

Blog Beacon to show awareness of Bullying

This Blog is a beacon to all those who love the Lord but feel helpless in the controversy of the Bullying topic. This site is here to help, encourage and support those who are looking for direction on how to handle a bullying situation. This site is not only tailored for teens and kids but we encourage all parents to please participate. We encourage words of encouragement and hope that by being here you will not feel alone. When we understand the impact this has on society and family units as a whole we as Christians can educate ourselves to be able to confront this issue with the will of the Father.

We as parents are here to impart knowledge (whether we have faced this issue ourselves in the past as teens and kids or maybe we ourselves were the aggressor and repented of those things that manifested within us that was not of love and was not the purpose of Father God).
As teens and kids this site is here as a safe haven. To listen, to learn and impart also your wisdom of how you are dealing or have dealt with any situation.

This site will provide many links to different organizations that will assist and also with different resources for you and your family to aid in the knowledge of this issue. Remember the word says:
Ecclesiates 7:12 "For wisdom is a defence, and money is a defence: but the excellency of knowledge is, that wisdom giveth life to them that have it."

We ask that we walk in the the love of the Lord while entering this site. That we treat each other with respect, whether we agree with what they have to say or not and again treating this as a safe haven for all. A place of agreement is a place of power. We should strive to show love and walk as Jesus walked and speak as Jesus spoke.

Please enjoy the site and love to be able to hear from everyone.